A real man’s man if there is ever one. My friend. But more than that. My brother. Not even brother from a different mother. Because Chuks insisted and made his parents and siblings understand that I am their son, and brother. And he did same with my mother and my siblings. The lines were not blurred. There was no line. And so it was all our lives. Our girlfriends and later our spouses all knew that and understood that. Appreciated that. And lived by that “Chuckie’s Rule”
But much as I know I am special to him and he knew he was special to me, Chuks applied *Chuckie’s Rule* in all his relationships. So everyone was special to Chuks. All his friends and family and distant relations will say exactly the same as I did. They were all Special to Chuks. And he let you know it too. Not just in his words, but by his deeds.
We often wondered how he did it. But Chuks was very organized about it, as he was organized about his daily activities. Often written down in a calendar, a daily schedule he often followed to the letter.
There were no birthdays he forgot. No friend he did not call. No visit he did not make. No sick person he did not visit in the hospital and at home. And this included all his friends and every single member of his friends’ families; and almost everyone from his community, where he was deeply involved in the community’s welfare. He did these on his friends’ behalf, without their asking or prompting. If there was money to be given, he gave it on his friends’ behalf.
And so we all often wondered how did Chuks do all that? He was very organized we know. We know that. But there was no way a man, no matter how organized and greatly endowed by God, could do all that by himself.
And Chuks was greatly endowed by God. He was endowed with a kind heart, but also with a wise mind. He was not only smart and intelligent, but no one dressed smarter. Always in well pressed clothes; in great vibrant colors. If it was white and black, like most lawyers like him wear, his was always spotlessly white and black. Always. No one wore any white whiter and smarter than Chuks’.
He was greatly endowed by God. He was very witty. Cracked jokes easily and took jokes from people. He was not afraid to be the butt of any joke. He had that self confidence. There was always laughter around him. No wonder people were attracted to him like bees to a beehive.
He was greatly endowed by God. He was handsome and knew it. He walked into a room, his aura exuded; despite his humility. Master of his domain; he not only owned the room; the room wanted to be owned by him. And boy did he shoot straight as well! No one spoke straighter than Chuks. His words were always clear and to the point. Never nuanced except in the most nuanced of straight ways, if there was anything like that. He was the most honest, truthful and straightest person you knew.
And yet he was no Angel. No he was not. We both did all the growing up Nigerian Igbo boys born in the 60s could do. We did not leave any growing-up stones unturned. We did our fair share of praying, playing, pranking, running, traveling, girl-chasing, night-clubbing, cigarette-smoking (before we stopped because the health impacts of smoking became widely known). We avoided the worst stuff out there, and the wildest things. We were raised by parents who would never allow that; or allow failure; and we knew it. And we had our share of drinking too. But we always did everything in moderation. And that was Chuks.
No excesses. Everything was right in the moderate middle. Hence Chuks was such a unifying force in our restless conflict ridden neighborhood. Chuks went everywhere, ate and drank with and talked to everyone in our often warring communities of Aguleri, Anam, and Umueri. His parent’s house in Umuoba-Anam was a meeting point for all of us growing up, often raucous crowds of young boys and girls would gather every weekend evening, largely because of Chuks and his attractive personality from Childhood. And he remained that unifying center for all of us till his last day on earth. I know we all miss him. We will always do.
And Chuks was greatly endowed by God. But how can a man make such huge sacrifices and succeed? The truth is no man can. Not even one greatly endowed like Chuks was. He had a great partner in his late wife Ngozi Onwuanyi-Okeke. Also very very smart, beautiful and kind. No wonder they have such smart, beautiful, and kind children. Chuks often gave his last meal and shirt off his back to the next hungry person he met. I know this because I once was that hungry person, and he clothed me, fed me and had his arms around my shoulder when I needed a comforter, after I lost my father at the age of 11. And his was not a rich childhood either. But he shared everything he had with me and with everyone.
Chuks was not an Angel but then again who knows what an Angel is? We have not seen one alive.
Chuks may actually be an Angel. He was so greatly endowed by God. But if he was an Angel then he had a great partner in that work. Because when Chuks asked for that plate of food to be given the stranger, Ngozi packaged 3 plates. If he gave that shirt off his back, Ngozi will return to the stranger with two more shirts. Their house was open to everyone. There was always food to eat and drink to be hard. The kids were well tutored in sharing. And they shared what they were given with everyone. If it was a plate they had, they shared with those who came. Their house was always welcoming to all friends and relations.
I cry every time I remember my friends Chuks and Ngozi, as I am doing now. I can’t be consoled. I don’t want nor need to, because, the hope that they are right now home with our Father, God Almighty; and that the love they shared with Everyone they met here on earth will Never Ever depart from the children they left behind, their grand and great grand children to come; the brothers and sisters (and there families) they left behind, who must miss him (them) even more intensely than I (and my family do now), and as I will always do till we meet again on the last day, is consolation enough.
But who could have known, since that our first meeting in the Anambra Local Government Secondary School Scholarship examination hall at Premier primary school in 1971; two strangers, poor kids in elementary schools in two often warring communities, schools just stones throw apart, that we would live the next 50 years of our lives inseparable from each other, our lives so intertwined in ways, many of which will live and die in our two memories.
There is no Adieu my friends; you have done yours. It is now left for me, to work hard to make sure, I live my part here to ensure we meet again.